Could've Been
by No Sweeter Song
Summary: Set after the battle at the Department of Mysteries, when Tonks, Lupin, MadEye, and the Weasleys meet the kids at King's Cross Station. Tonks and Remus have been dating, though very quietly, for a while. But once Tonks is injured and Lupin is sent after


Characters: Nymphadora Tonks and Remus Lupin. Mentions of various others, namely the Weasleys and company, and Fenrir Greyback...OH and some guy named Harry Potter.

Summary: Set after the battle at the Department of Mysteries, when Tonks, Lupin, Mad-Eye, and the Weasleys meet the kids at King's Cross Station. Tonks and Remus have been dating, though very quietly, for a while. But once Tonks is injured and Lupin is sent after Greyback, he realizes some changes have to be made-and is willing to push away the one person he's got left for her own safety. Just a shorty short one-shot.

Disclaimer: Me? Own these guys? HAHA. Thank Rowling for them, thank me for being obsessed with them.

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As the Hogwarts Express pulled out of Platform 9 and 3/4, the group sent to watch Harry's return to the Dursleys turned to walk away. They were chatting casually, mostly about their days at Hogwarts and about plans for Harry's summer. The adult Weasleys walked with them, the children running up front. But there was one Order member who stayed quiet. It wasn't out of the ordinary for him to be silent. Unless the matter concerned him directly, or he was addressed, Remus was usually quiet anyway. But there was something most peculiar about him that day.

Tonks glanced at the watch she wore. She wasn't even sure he knew she owned it. It didn't tell time-as Tonks was never actually on time for anything anyway, so why should she bother?-but it showed the phases of the moon. It wasn't nearly full. Nor had it just recently been full. In fact, it should've been his strongest time, that period just before the new moon. "Everything okay?" she asked him, falling behind to talk at his side.

There was a pause, which some might have thought was just him taking a breath. Tonks recognized that breath for what it was. He was thinking. Gathering his words.

"I'm fine," he replied slowly.

But Tonks knew better. "What's wrong?"

Chuckling softly, Remus glanced sideways at her. "You know me too well, don't you?" he questioned, smiling to himself. Maybe he was making the wrong decision. How difficult could it possibly be, surviving this war together? Maybe it would make it easier somehow. Having someone there with him, someone to send an owl to when things got dark.

But the memory of his beloved Dora in hospital, the pain that had ravaged her face after the attack, all of it was still fresh in his mind. And Remus knew he had to do what was right.

"Of course I do," she told him, beaming up at him.

That smile... How could he take away that smile? And when she reached out to discreetly take his hand in the middle of King's Cross station, he knew he had to do what he was about to do. "Dora," he murmured, using her first name as so few others were allowed to do. "I need to talk to you."

"Well talk!" Her tone was still playful, bordering in that place between loving and flirtatious. If Greyback didn't kill him, Tonks very well might.

Glancing ahead to where Moody was walking with the crowd of Weasleys, Remus sighed. "Not here."

Tonks felt a thrill rush through her. Maybe he was finally...finally going to pop the question. She knew how terribly shy he was. He certainly wasn't going to ask her to marry him in front of the huge family in front of them, bound to be teased relentlessly by Fred and George for eternity. Crossing her fingers behind her back, she grinned. "Well, why don't we go somewhere quieter, then?"

Once more, Remus considered changing his mind. Changing everything and telling her he was just being a whinger and following the Weasleys back to the Burrow for a welcome home celebration for the children. Instead, he merely nodded, motioning to the group in front of them to show they were leaving. Molly Weasley shot him a sly grin, and he blushed under her gaze. Of everyone, she'd be the one the most disappointed. Other than Tonks herself. And Remus hated hurting them both.

They didn't speak until they were further away from the crowd. "Diagon Alley?" she asked, eyes twinkling. He merely nodded, not even sure he could do it there. Hogsmeade might've been the better choice. But it was too late to tell her that, as a pop sounded and she'd already Apparated. He knew where she was headed. As always. And he knew how to follow her, too.

It was quiet in the back of Wendelin Wineworth's pub. He couldn't say how many times he'd sat there, across from her, quietly talking. Never about the impending war, or the Order, or the Dark Lord himself. Rather, he'd filled her head with mischievous stories from his youth, of his days tailing after James and Sirius. She'd tell him of her time at Hogwarts, tagging along with Charlie and Bill Weasley and tormenting Percy. It was the place he'd first realized she meant something more to him. It was the sight of their first 'official date' as she'd dubbed it. And soon, he realized, he'd never be able to walk in there again. Not without feeling the pain. The immense ache.

Tonks flopped, completely ungracefully, in their usual booth, beaming up at him. It was only right, of course, that it be there that he did what he was about to do. So she thought. He certainly looked serious, but it was Remus. He almost always carried a dark, haunted look to his amber coloured eyes. She felt briefly reassured when he reached forward, folding his hand over hers. "So why'd you drag me away from Molly's mashed tubers, hmm? Something on your mind?" Oh, she hoped so.

If it was at all possible, his eyes grew even darker. She had no idea what was coming. Either that...or she just didn't care. Remus almost wanted to believe that that was exactly the problem. "Dora...I've gotten a new assignment. For the Order." Now that the Ministry had been forced to face the fact that Voldemort had, indeed, returned, he wasn't quite as fearful of speaking the words out loud.

Well that was nothing new. Puzzled, she tilted her head, running a hand lightly over the short pink spikes of her hair. "Okay..."

"Not really," Remus replied, twisting his hands together. "I'm going after Greyback."

The tiny gasp she emitted was audible, and she clasped her hand over her mouth. It wasn't what she'd been expecting. Not at all. "Are you... You're serious?"

Nodding slowly, he released a slow sigh. "There's no other way," he said quietly. "Someone's got to try and stop him from turning everyone of his..._our _kind to Voldemort's side."

"But why?" she whimpered. "Why not someone else? Someone stronger?" Flushing, she ducked her head, avoiding his eyes. "Not that you're not...I mean..."

Remus held up a hand to stop her stammering. "I knew what you meant," he said quietly. "It has to be me, Dora, don't you see? I know them. Their ways. I know..." he gulped, "what they're going through."

Still showing signs of shock, but reviving back to her usual feisty self, Tonks lifted her chin. "Then I'm coming with you."

Fervently, he shook his head. "No, love. You're not. I wouldn't dare let you, and don't ask again." He'd almost lost her once already. She looked better, but she was obviously still sore, and there they'd lost Sirius... "I won't let you," he repeated softly.

"So...what does this mean?"

Feeling himself starting to shake, Remus took a slow breath before he said, "It means this is over. This. Between us. Whatever we had."

In only a matter of minutes, she'd gone from potential blushing fiance, to a woman scorned. Almost instantly, her hair went from her trademark hot pink to a fiery red, growing to her shoulder blades. It never ceased him to watch her transform, no matter how many times he'd watched James, Sirius, and Peter do so. And he realized, when she did, that she was changing out of fury, hurt, and anger.

"Whatever this is?" she repeated his words slowly, but her voice quickly grew louder. "Whatever this is? Remus Lupin, I thought 'this' was important to you! That 'I' was important to you!"

He wanted to reach for her. To reassure her that she was, indeed, his entire world. But he knew. He knew how much harder that would make this. On both of them. Instead, he simply crossed his arms on the table calmly and watched her.

His calm demeanor unnerved her. "Say something, you prat!"

But the words he chose to say were meant to hurt-and they did. "Really, Tonks." He'd reverted to using her surname. Something he hadn't done in so very long. "It's gone on long enough anyway, hasn't it? I think we both knew it wasn't a forever kind of thing."

"I hate you!" Her voice had progressed to shouting, and the patrons of the pub started to turn to stare. He flushed under their gazes, but only met Tonks' eyes, almost unwillingly. "I don't believe this! Now, when we need each other? You're giving up on us?"

Remus would've given anything to stop himself just then. Anything to keep her from hurting, when she'd already been hurt so many times. But in the end, it was a decision that had to be made. He couldn't risk her life. Not for some crush that surely would fade.

"I made myself clear," he said carefully, desperately trying to keep anything-anything at all-from his voice. "This is over. We have far too much else to worry about right now."

She stood, having every intention of simply Apparating to her flat and throwing things. Instead, against her will, tears welled in her eyes. "I hate you," Tonks repeated again, this time though with her voice at a choked whisper. "I do. I always will."

It hurt him just hearing it, but he didn't try and change her mind. Her fury would fuel her need to stay away from him. And that was how it had to be. "Then so be it." There wasn't any possible way he could return her words. He didn't hate her. Never could. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" Tonks sputtered. "Is that really all you have to say?" He had to be kidding. There was no way...he wouldn't... "I trusted you." Another moment later, she choked out the words, "I loved you."

Loved. She was using past tense already. It was for the best. He had to keep telling himself it was for the best. "I've told you," Remus said to her as nonchalantly as he could manage. "I'm too old-"

"Too poor and too dangerous," she completed bitterly. "And what if that's what I'm looking for in a man, hmm? What if I don't care?" She'd said that so many times, when would he understand?

There was a long pause. Tonks hoped against all hopes that he was reconsidering. That he'd tell her it was a mistake, then try to make it up to her. But instead, he stood, releasing a slow breath. "I'm sorry," was all he said.

She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of walking out on her. If he was going to break her heart-and that's exactly what it felt like; her chest had actual physical pain-she was going to walk out on him. "You're right, Remus Lupin," she told him angrily. "You are pretty sorry. But not as sorry as you will be when you realize what you've just lost." Without another word to him, she closed her eyes and Disapparated, presumably back to her flat.

How wrong she was. If Tonks knew what was in his head just then, she wouldn't have said that. Because he was already sorry. And he already knew exactly what he'd lost.


End file.
